I Am Sorry < I Am Compassionate

December 13, 2010 in Self-Discovery Exercises, Spiritual by Tara

Why is it that, as a society, we have been so programmed to say, “I’m sorry” for things we are not to blame for, nor feel any guilt about? For example, when we speak with someone and they tell us a loved one has passed, we automatically (programmed) say “I’m so sorry (to hear about your loss<—- loss is a whole other tripped up word).”? I’m not sorry. I didn’t cause that loved ones death. What exactly am I apologizing for? Have you ever questioned that? I feel like that catchy phrase puts a damper on things. The whole energy of it (during that kind of interaction), does not appeal to me and seems to bring the mood down farther. I feel like we are both then, wrapped in the prevailing sorrow.

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When I use the word sorry in these situations, it brings me into an empathetic state. I feel my energy drop, my body language contracts and my light being starts to dim out. I do not want to feel what you feel in that moment. (I may unwillingly feel it at times, because I can be very sensitive to someone else’s energy. I’m sure some of you can relate.) I choose to be the light that shines upon you, the rock you can lean on, the shoulder to cry on. I will stand strong and hold out my hand to help pick you back up onto your feet. I will not save you, for you will ultimately save yourself from your own grief. It’s your choice.

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Sometimes, I think we overlook language and the words we speak. We say so many, what feels like, scripted things. Do we even pay attention to what they really, really mean? In general? And to us? I have been thinking about this term, I’m sorry, for a while now, and how we use it when we are not apologizing. It came up in a conversation recently, and I’ve decided to no longer say, “I’m sorry”, when I hear someone’s bad news. I’m doing my best, even thought it seems to be the “right thing to say” and the socially acceptable phrase. Over countless months, I’ve cut back on saying it. Though, on occasion, it has slipped out of my mouth, like it did this past week. I’m grateful it has resurfaced, so I can make another conscious attempt at curbing this behavior and share my thoughts with all of you.

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When someone tells me things along the lines of…

- My (blank) passed away.

- I got into a car accident.

- I don’t feel good today.

- I’m really upset about/with….

- Life sucks.

- Nothing is going right for me.

- Guess what terrible thing happened to me? Blah. Blah. Blah.

- etc.

…I will smile at you, hold space for you and say, “I am/have compassion for you.” or maybe, “I have a lot of compassion for you, around that.”.  My choice to feel sorry for, pity and worry about anyone, is not an option. What strength does that offer you? I don’t feel that doing that puts positive energy out there. I will happily offer you compassion though. There is a lighter air present when saying the word, compassion. It gives more hope, opposed to the word sorry. You feel for that person, not with a sorry attitude, instead with a, “I want to help you through this” attitude.  It let’s you know I am there for you, and not encompassing your present experience of sorrow.

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If this exercise moves you and you choose to give it a try, the initial change can be a little awkward. That’s fine. It means you are shifting into a greater consciousness. You are becoming more aware of the power of your spoken words and will begin to deliver them with confidence and love. Please feel free to share your experiences here with us. Enjoy!

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Beauty From Love: “I see your pain. I feel love and offer you my compassion during this time. You are loved.”

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Cookies and Compassion,

Tara :)

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